Ep 81: Tony Bennett's Daughters - Breaking Through the Silence of Alzheimer's

Learning about an Alzheimer’s diagnosis in your family is never easy. When you are an iconic music legend like Tony Bennet with legions of adoring fans, it is front page news. Antonia and Johanna Bennett, daughters of the late Tony Bennett, candidly discuss their emotional reactions to learning about their father's diagnosis. They share their concern for their father and fears about their own cognitive futures with BrainStorm host Meryl Comer. Hear more about the challenges faced by the family and Tony’s final performances with Lady Gaga. You won’t want to miss this heartfelt episode. 

Transcript

Johanna Bennett (00:00):

The first reaction was shock, like, oh my God. And then the second thought that you had is, oh my God, my poor father, and oh my God, what's happening to his brain? And then the third thought, which is something that I'm not sure that people are necessarily would be willing to admit, but it has to be for everybody that's related to somebody that gets that diagnosis. But the third thought that I had was, oh my God, am I going to lose my mind?

Introduction (00:28):

Welcome to BrainStorm by UsAgainstAlzheimer's, a patient-centered nonprofit organization. Your host, Meryl Comer, is a co-founder, 24-year caregiver and Emmy award-winning journalist and the author of the New York Times Bestseller, Slow Dancing With a Stranger.

Meryl Comer (00:45):

This is BrainStorm and I’m Meryl Comer. Welcome to this special edition of Breaking Through the Silence of Alzheimer's Disease. Our special guest are Johanna and Antonia Bennett, daughters of the beloved American Jazz and Popp artist Tony Bennett, who bridged generations with his updated interpretations of the enduring American songbook. Ladies, thank you so much for joining us. Antonia, share with us your favorite recollections of your dad that you hold dear, and how you best like to remember him.

Antonia Bennett (01:20):

I have a lot of great memories of him. We performed a lot together, so traveling was always great. Just being able to see him in his element or always pull out a sketchbook at any restaurant that we went to and catching the patrons in the restaurant, those kinds of things are just ingrained in my brain as memories of him and spending time with him. He always found a way to work on something that he loved, even while bonding with us as kids, and that was incredibly special.

Meryl Comer (01:51):

Living in the limelight is not easy. How did your dad handle stardom and was he protective of both of you?

Johanna Bennett (01:59):

Stardom and fame were dad's natural state. I don't know how else to explain it, but the guy was born under the sign of Leo. You can't keep one of those people off a stage. Other famous Leos are like J-Lo and Madonna. We were the second family, him being famous and us being kids and I have a lot of memories and incidences of, he would always ask us to sit at a restaurant and kind of flank him to be a buffer for people that are coming at him. He knew who paid the bills and it was the fans. He loved the attention. He loved people telling him how great he was. It was just who he was.

Antonia Bennett (02:38):

I really think that being a celebrity in those days, it's kind of different than being a celebrity today and that there was a group of people that kind looked out for one another and it was very much about what are you capable of doing or your artistry. And so when fans would come up to him, even the fans were different. A lot of them were incredibly knowledgeable about the music, the musicians playing on the record where the record was recorded. There were still a lot of these great performers around and you had a lot of different people that came from a lot of different genres. And so whether it was rock or classical or folk or jazz, everything could kind of coexist at the same time and it wasn't as streamlined.

Meryl Comer (03:25):

Did he love the song? I Left My Heart in San Francisco as much as his fans did?

Antonia Bennett (03:31):

Oh yeah. If he was going to 

sing something, then he would lean into it and he treated each one of those songs like Little Monologues. He really tried to bring all of the story to life and make it true for him before it came out of his mouth.

Johanna Bennett (03:47):

Every song for dad was a scene. It wasn't a song.

Meryl Comer (03:50):

How has your dad's love for music influenced your own approach for both songwriting and performance?

Johanna Bennett (03:58):

Work ethic? No matter where he was, there was a notebook would come out, he would be studying his lyrics, we would hear him work with different composers or his arrangers or his piano players. He was never kidding. He meant every single word he sang, he would lean into it. That's just the difference between dad and probably everybody else.

Antonia Bennett (04:21):

One of the main things I learned from him is to surround yourself with world class people who are at like the top of their tier. Like he would always surround himself with incredible musicians or arrangers. There was like a taste level thing, like he really wanted everything to be elegant and he also really wanted to perform for the whole family, like for everybody.

Meryl Comer (04:43):

So what wisdom did your dad share with you about audiences and fame? Antonio,

Antonia Bennett (04:51):

He would always say being successful is great, but no one can prepare you for what happens with the helium and the brain, meaning the swelled head. He was a very simple guy at the end of things. Even though he had all these great people around and there were a lot of celebrities around, what he wanted to do is eat good food, play tennis, paint and sing and go to museums and stuff like that. He really just wanted to be able to continue to do his work and be the best that he could at it. And he also had a big love for family, and I think that those are the things that keep you balanced at the end of the day. You know, you've got your people. I guess just watching kind of the way that he navigated through all of that is how he kind of also kept us on track is just by setting an example.

Meryl Comer (05:40):

Joanna, what's quite remarkable is how he updated his generational appeal by teaming up with younger stars.

Johanna Bennett (05:47):

That's the thing. He never reinvented his style. His style was always his style. As a matter of fact, at one point I was looking at his set list he was using really for the last, last 15, 20 years of his life.

Antonia Bennett (05:59):

One of his strengths was that he really loved performers and he really got them and he really understood how hard it is to stand up on stage and get started or to work through fear or stage fright. And he would even say it takes 10 good years just to learn how to walk on stage. And so I think that one of the things that really helped him to stay relevant for so many years is that he really connected with so many young artists. He was so good at what he did and many of those young artists, Scott praised from him. He would really encourage them. And he was like that. He really focused on people's strengths, not their weaknesses, and made it a point to point those things out and to make somebody feel safe on stage. I saw him do that with many artists like Amy Winehouse and Lady Gaga and Diana Crawl and Katie Lang. Obviously those artists are all extraordinary artists and certainly didn't need any praise from anybody there at the top of their craft, but he did always find that something special in those artists and really make it a point to highlight and bring it out

Meryl Comer (07:12):

Out. For millions of families whose loved ones have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, they're often early signs of behavioral issues and a family pow wow on whom and when to tell. In your father's case, it was not until February, 2021 that he revealed he had been diagnosed about five years earlier in 2016. Can you share your recollections about your reactions when you first learned of the diagnosis?

Johanna Bennett (07:39):

Unfortunately, Antonio and I found out that our father had Alzheimer's. When you did, it was very shocking. I was very angry. We were not given any kind of heads up. The first reaction was shock, like, oh my God. And then the second thought that you had is, oh my God, my poor father, and oh my God, what's happening to his brain? And then the third thought, which is something that I'm not sure that people are necessarily would be willing to admit, but it, it has to be for everybody that's related to somebody that gets that diagnosis. But the third thought that I had was, oh my God, am I going to lose my mind? There had been cognitive problems for a very long time, for as long as I can remember. There were memory issues. There was a head injury in childhood that he had and another quite bad one during the war where his Jeep flipped over and he hit his

Meryl Comer (08:33):

Head, Antonia, can you share your feelings? They're so personal, we all have them.

Antonia Bennett (08:38):

I had noticed that there was a problem for a long time, and I remember way before his diagnosis having said something to some other family members, like, I think that there's a problem because he just told me an a story where he completely rewrote my entire past. There were things like he always had a memory that he kind of remembered things maybe differently than the rest of us. And so there's that part, well, is this normal? You know, when the diagnosis finally came out, I felt so stupid because there were things that I was really upset with him about the way that he had reacted to something or whatever. Now I look back and I'm like, oh, okay, actually this makes sense now because maybe he was confused and I feel bad because I spent that time like having a resentment. When had I just really understood that that's what was going on, I might've reacted differently and I won't ever know because I'm not going to get that time back.

Antonia Bennett (09:37):

But the other thing is that most of the time that we had with him in his later years, he was very amenable. We were very lucky in the sense that he had Alzheimer's in a way that didn't turn him into an angry older man or something like this. And in a way, there was a lot of bonding that happened that way just by like holding his hand or being together. There was a lot of tenderness and sweetness. But I do think that overwhelming feeling of just feeling like, oh, oh, I get it now. Okay, wow. I was maybe reacting in a way that I shouldn't have you. You end up having a lot of guilt, I think, for not understanding, at least I did.

Meryl Comer (10:21):

Please, Antonia, let the guilt go. You and Johanna have been very generous in sharing your feelings that reinforce to other families that they're not alone, that it's always a shock to hear the diagnosis. It's then how we move forward that matters. So thank you both for being so candid. My question is, when your dad's diagnosis was made public, were you thankfully surprised at how his fans reacted?

Johanna Bennett (10:45):

His fans always loved him so much. They were always so happy. They feel him deep on the inside. There's a few people like that. Bruce is one ofth'em. You could also say somebody like Ella Fitzgerald.

Meryl Comer (11:00):

Antonia. Have either of you compared notes with either President Reagan's daughter, Patty Davis or Glen Campbell's wife and kids who also went public?

Antonia Bennett (11:09):

Actually, I haven't. It's not a bad idea. I would love to talk to them and get their feedback and hear more about their story.

Meryl Comer (11:17):

Now, Antonio, you performed with your dad. Did you see any indications in hindsight that he might be having some memory issues when you perform together?

Antonia Bennett (11:29):

All of us did, and we worked really hard to make a safe environment for him to perform and do what he did so well. There was a time when he had a hard time remembering the names of the guys in the band, and they were always with us. And so all of the sudden on the piano when a list of everybody in the band, things like that started to happen, or he would repeat a song that he just sang over. Great thing is that again, his fans loved him so much that when he would sing a song twice, they just loved it. They just loved it just as much a second time or maybe even more, you know? So he was blessed in that way.

Meryl Comer (12:10):

Ladies, someone who has cared for loved ones with Alzheimer's, I was touched by how Lady Gaga seamlessly cued your dad to trigger his turn in the duet during their final concerts together.

Antonia Bennett (12:23):

Well, it was very comforting for me to see her with him because I knew that she would take care of him, especially that last show at Radio City. There was a moment when he was on stage and we didn't know <laugh> if he was going to walk off the stage. You know, at the end of the show, he seemed to really love the audience so much and she basically came and got him and she bowed down to him and took his hand and she really honored him. And that was really a comfort and beautiful to see.

Johanna Bennett (12:53):

She really, really, really took care of Dad on stage. And for that I'm going to always be grateful to her. And she really did admire him and look up to him. All of that was genuine.

Meryl Comer (13:04):

I do recall talking to Patty Davis, who was President Reagan's daughter, and again, the question was, when do you pull a loved one away from the public eye to protect their dignity and keep their legacy intact? And for a recording star like your father, the objective is to preserve what everybody remembers in loves about Tony Bennett.

Johanna Bennett (13:26):

When we got the news that there was going to be this show, we were of course informed when everybody else was <laugh>. My first reaction was I wrote to everybody involved and I said, oh my God, please don't do this to him. I was completely against it. I was terrified for him. I was terrified for his dignity. I was terrified for his legacy. I was terrified for his safety. And the first night I was right and I had like seven heart attacks in the audience. There's so much emotion around it that you forget stuff like the extraordinary crew at Radio City who have been taking care of him for decades. He was doing stuff that Tony Bennett didn't do. He was singing ahead of time. He was sing behind the time. He would sing the same lyric over and over again. It was horrifying. The first night, the second night Tony Bennett was back, he came back, he came back with a vengeance. It was extraordinary. Gaga was great with him. The first audience, the first night, they didn't care. They gave him everything that that they could. And I think that that helps, you know? And the second night there it was. And then when the curtain finally came down, Antonia, how long would you say that that backstage standing Ovation was from all of the stage hands?

Antonia Bennett (14:52):

It was a long time. Everybody honored him. You know, I had a kind of different experience watching that first show than you did Joanna. I, I actually think he did an incredible job the first night, too. I think that what was so hard is that we've seen him night after night for so many years, and I was afraid that maybe he would get too close to the edge of the stage or something would happen or that he would trip. But I think that anybody else just watching it probably wouldn't have those fears that those fears were really just because we were in it with him. You know? I also was very close with Les Paul and I used to go down to the Iridium and watch him play night after night. And he would play every Monday night in New York at the Iridium. And as he got older, there were a lot of things that he was not able to do, but then he would play like one chord that would be just, that was Les Paul.

Antonia Bennett (15:50):

And people came to see that one thing and he made the show like it was worth it just for that one thing. And so there's like a fine line there, right? How long do you let somebody do what it is that they're doing? I know that dad would have many conversations. He would tell me if I ever can't do it or if I can't perform anymore, if I can't physically do it, then I don't want to do it. And that was really important to him. And I really think that had Covid not happened, he might've even been able to go longer. He would've been in the routine. And I think that routine is what really kept him going.

Johanna Bennett (16:25):

Antonio, you and I always said like the second he had to stop, that would be it. And it was a very sharp decline. The second that he had to be off the road completely, he had slowed down. He was going out, I think on the road, what was it? Maybe once a month for a week or something like that, and then taking time off.

Antonia Bennett (16:45):

It was his therapy really. That was his medicine, for lack of a better word, medicine's probably not the best way to think about it, because he always took it as such a gift that he was able to do what he loved.

Meryl Comer (16:56):

Researchers say that to stimulate cognitive reserve in patients with dementia or Alzheimer's, the key is to tap into those songs or personal musical playlists that people listen to between the ages of 13 and 25. If that's the case, I want you both to imagine for us what was on your dad's favorite musical playlist?

Antonia Bennett (17:19):

Billie Holiday, bill Evans. Louis Armstrong. I don't know what he was listening. His teenage years,

Johanna Bennett (17:26):

Definitely Billie Holiday. He would talk about her all the time.

Antonia Bennett (17:30):

Yeah, Billy was like a huge influence for him.

Meryl Comer (17:33):

Joanna and Antonia, you're both very brave and generous to be going public. What do you want other families to know and understand about this disease? Do you have any advice?

Antonia Bennett (17:47):

Early detection? I think if you think that there's a difference, go see the doctor because there's a lot that can be done. Dietary things, exercise, different treatments that can be done to slow down the process. And I think there's strength in knowledge.

Meryl Comer (18:03):

Joanna?

Johanna Bennett (18:04):

I would just second what my sister has just said, which is if you start to see something sometime, bring it up with that loved one's doctor.

Meryl Comer (18:15):

Thank you. Our special guests on breaking through the silence are Johanna and Antonia Bennett, daughters of Beloved musical icon, Tony Bennett. That's it for this edition. I'm Meryl Comer, thank you for brainstorming with us.

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